The Almighty Johnsons (S4/Ep 1) Script

THE ALMIGHTY JOHNSON’S

SEASON 4/EPISODE 1

BALDR’S GATE

By

MARCUS KASABIAN DE STORM

 

 

 

MARCUS KASABIAN DE STORM

NORTH GABLE PRODUCTIONS (UK)

07523170743

MKDS@GWNONLINE.COM

 

 

FADE IN:

We pan into the RED RUNE STONE.

 

EXT. BALDR’S GATE.INSIDE THE WOOD – MORNING

The RED RUNE STONE SAPPHIRE lays still on the bracken leafed covered ground exactly where LOKI (COLIN) dropped it after the Ascension to ASGARD of the GODS and GODDESSES.

A few moments later the SAPPHIRE starts to vibrate, tremble, shake, until it abruptly stops before breaking open to release an intense bright cobalt red light.

Another moment later and the light is quickly extinguished, the ground calms and the two broken pieces of RUNE STONE SAPPHIRE disappear into the ground.

From where MARTIN (FRIGG’s [HANNA LARSON] Brother) stood, now stands OLAF JOHNSONBALDR – wearing nothing but his sandal’s (SHOT FROM ABOVE THE WAIST – FRONT. THE FULL BODY – REAR LONG SHOT).

OLAF JOHNSON

Oh BOLLOCKS! Er, guys, I don’t think we’re in Asgard anymore!

Turning around several times to look for the others while smelling the air and holding out his arms, OLAF stops.

FULL ZOOM ON HIS FACE.

Flicks open his eyes and with a deep exhale of breath begins to walk out of the woods.

OLAF JOHNSON

(unhappy)

I FUCKING HATE THIS PLANET!

ROLL TITLES…

 

INT. ZEB AND AXL’S MESSY LIVING ROOM – MORNING

AXL and ZEB are crashed out in the LIVING ROOM after they’ve pulled an all-nighter with the beer and pizza that AXL called around with the evening before, after the GODS ASCENSION.

AXL is laid in the foetus position on the sofa with streaks of drool running from his mouth, down chin and onto the sofa fabric.

ZEB is laid under the coffee table – fast asleep.

The loud ringing of tone of AXL’s mobile phone brings ZEB to stir and finally yell out to AXL.

ZEB

(eyes stuck closed)

For fuck’s sake, man!

ZEB sits up, only to hit his head on the underside of the coffee table, it making him yelp out in pain.

AXL JOHNSON

Hey, Dude! Is that your phone ringing? Any chance you could…!

ZEB

For the love of the God’s, Axl, it’s YOUR phone ringing, Man!

AXL manages to muster the strength and motivation to get up and swing his legs over the edge of the sofa cushions and assume the upright position, so as to take out his mobile phone from his jeans pocket.

With half-open eyes AXL looks down at ZEB with a satisfied smile that he had achieved what he wanted by returning to the house, and getting his friend into a drunken state before answering the phone.

AXL JOHNSON

This better be pretty damned important, or I’m hanging up!

OLAF JOHNSON (V.O.)

Axl, it’s me, Olaf…your Grandfather

AXL JOHNSON

Grandpa! Are you Okay, what’s up?

OLAF has now acquired a mobile phone that was left in an unlocked car, a pair of shorts and KYLIE MINNOGUE T-Shirt from an unattended washing line on his travels back to AXL and ZEB’s house, and now stands on the end of the street across from their house in anticipation of his instructions.

OLAF JOHNSON (V.O.)

Axl, I want you to listen to me very carefully. Now, tell me who you are?

AXL JOHNSON

That’s a far too easy question for this time of the morning, Grandpa, I’m…!

ZEB

My Lord Odin, you’re back from Asgard…I mean, aren’t you supposed to be like…A God right about now?

ZEB looks perturbed by the way that AXL/ODIN is sitting before him in the house.

AXL JOHNSON

(confused)

What the fuck did you just say, Zeb?

MATCH CUT TO:

EXT. OUTSIDE ZEB AND AXL’S HOME – MORNING

OLAF continues walking down the street toward the house, the mobile phone still held at his ear.

OLAF JOHNSON

Stay right where you are and don’t move, Axl, and whatever you do, do not speak to Zeb, not until I get there…Understand?

AXL JOHNSON (V.O.)

(shocked)

Erm, yeah, Okay I hear you Grandpa. Where are you?

MATCH CUT TO:

INT. ZEB AND AXL’S MESSY LIVING ROOM – MORNING

There is a sudden (well timed) knock at the front door of the house, ZEB rises to his feet and makes his way to answer the door to OLAF, who, has a lot of cross words on his mind.

ZEB

Olaf! Well, it looks like I’m not the only one looking like shit this good morning. How are you?

Opening the door wide, ZEB invites OLAF inside before closing it and showing him into the LIVING ROOM.

OLAF JOHNSON

Where’s Axl?

ZEB

In the living room, weren’t you guys supposed to be…You know?

OLAF JOHNSON

We were, Zeb, we were YOU KNOW and then…

ZEB

Awesome! Hang on, and then what?

AXL is stood with the mobile phone still at his ear, a single poised finger in the air with his free hand.

OLAF JOHNSON

Hey! What are you doing? Who are you ringing, Axl?

OLAF rushes over to AXL and pulls the phone from his hand.

AXL JOHNSON

Grandpa! I was trying to ring the others to see if they know what the hell’s going on here…

OLAF JOHNSON

Do you know what’s going on here, Axl? Because if anyone should know, and correct me if I’m wrong, but that would be me. Now, sit down and listen to me.

ZEB

So, aren’t you guys supposed to be in Asgard, the realm of the Gods?

Both OLAF and AXL shout in unison for ZEB to “Shut Up“. ZEB falls silent and walks away to the kitchen.

OLAF sits down on the sofa and thinks for a moment.

OLAF JOHNSON

Sit down Axl. (AXL sits down next to him). The ascension to Asgard happened, I know that for a fact because my God-Self stood upon the plateau overseeing the Cosmos. You, Mike, Ty and Anders God-Self’s too, we were all there. After the Ascension, our Human-Self’s all went our separate ways, right? You, Mike, Ty, Anders and the Goddesses all went on to do great things, and I went to catch the best surf I have ever had the opportunity of having…

AXL JOHNSON

Well, yeah, I came back here with a few beers and a pizza to share with Zeb and…

OLAF doesn’t give AXL time to reply.

OLAF JOHNSON

So why the fuck did I end up at the Ascension Gate…?

AXL JOHNSON

Ascension Gate, Grandpa! What’s that?

ZEB mumbles aloud while waiting for the kettle to boil.

AXL JOHNSON

Alright, Zeb, let’s hear it?

Both AXL and OLAF turn to face ZEB.

ZEB

The Ascension Gate is the portal that enables the Gods, like you and your Brother’s, to enter the realms of Asgard. Only Gods can enter, as only Gods can leave.

OLAF JOHNSON

Very good Zeb, but what we need to know is why we came back from Asgard, but more importantly, why I was stark bollock naked?

Both AXL and ZEB find it hard not to laugh out at the incident which OLAF has told them, but quickly in their observations of seeing OLAF is not amused calm down.

OLAF JOHNSON

Okay, it’s clearly obvious what we have to do here, we contact Mike, Anders and Ty, and we do a THING…!

AXL

For fucks sake, Grandpa, what is it with you and these things, man? We just get everyone together and grab a few beers and sort this shit out in a normal human way, right?

ZEB

I’ll join you in the Thing!

OLAF is offended by the lack of enthusiasm in AXL, though ZEB is – as always – up for the Thing.

AXL JOHNSON

There you go, Zeb will go with you and together you can both do the Thing. I, on the other hand, I’m going to track down the others and get to the bottom of this…this …whatever this bloody thing is.

AXL stands up and walks over to ZEB, who is now stood with the boiling hot kettle in his hand ready to pour the contents into the prearranged cups.

OLAF JOHNSON

Well, good luck with that Axl, the last time I looked, the whole gang were parting ways and there was no such sense or feeling present that they were wanting to get back into this shit!

ZEB

What about Michelle?

AXL JOHNSON

Michelle! You mean the Goddess Michelle, Sjofn?

ZEB

Yeah, she called by here earlier this morning, really early too, asking whether you were awake. She was acting all kind of weird, actually, which is pretty much how I would be acting having learned that the Ascension went…Holy fuck, Axl!

AXL and OLAF are suddenly startled and aware that there was something the matter with their friend. The sheer look of terror on ZEB’s face was enough to worry AXL.

AXL JOHNSON

Hey, are you Okay, Zeb?

ZEB

Axl, if you’re here, then what about…

OLAF JOHNSON

Ragnarok, you’re going to ask about Ragnarok, aren’t you?

ZEB makes his way over to AXL, putting a hand on his shoulder – he is perturbed.

ZEB

Did you defeat Ragnarok at Asgard, Axl? Because if you didn’t, maybe that is the reason you are back here, but then maybe it’s because Ragnarok defeated you…

OLAF jumps to his feet and stands in front of both AXL and ZEB, his face showing great concentration.

OLAF JOHNSON

Ragnarok was defeated at Asgard, the whole reason for the Ascension ceremony was that Odin returns to Asgard and defeats Ragnarok. Obviously, after Axl…sorry, Odin defeated Ragnarok, something else must have happened…

AXL JOHNSON

Hang on, if I’m Odin, would I not remember defeating Ragnarok, Grandpa?

OLAF JOHNSON

That is a very good question, Axl, and one which I need time to answer. Obviously, we need to have a plan that will bring everyone back together, including those who may well be a part of why we have returned here, to Earth. First port of call in these situations Axl, I need some good weed, good Mead and some decent clothes that don’t cry out homosexual…

AXL JOHNSON

Hang on, wasn’t it weed that made you fuck up half the shit before, Grandpa? I mean, I’m not questioning your ability as an Oracle, but, even you have to agree, we did fuck most of those old prophecies up the last time?

OLAF JOHNSON

Actually, Axl, if you were taking particular attention, you would know that the weed was mediocre and not very good. A wise Oracle can only be as good as his inspiration, and for that, I need good weed.

AXL JOHNSON

I’m phoning Mike and Anders, make sure that they’re alright and get them to meet us as soon as possible.

ZEB

Meet us where, exactly?

AXL JOHNSON

Actually, when I say meet us, Zeb, I mean meet us at the place that you can’t go. But you can make yourself busy and help us out if you like…

Becoming distant with his thoughts, ZEB is put into a corner that has all the hallmarks of becoming the very same put-aside Freki that he was before the Gods’ Ascension Ceremony.

ZEB

Actually, I was going to get on with something more important than running around looking for Gods, Axl. Obviously, when you all left for Asgard, my life must have been made better for the fact this place is looking and running like clockwork.

OLAF pats AXL on the back.

OLAF JOHNSON

What Axl means is, we would appreciate your help in this moment of mystery, Zeb, if that suits you?

AXL JOHNSON

Yeah, Zeb, I would appreciate any help that you can give us in sorting this…Whatever this is out…

OLAF sees that there is a couple of beers left unopened on the coffee table and reaches over to grab one.

OLAF JOHNSON

Is this beer good to go?

AXL

Yes, Grandpa, it’s good beer. Now, can we get moving and go find Mike and the others?

Opening the bottle of beer OLAF takes a big drink before hesitating to appreciate the flavour, and then with a loud burp he smiles.

OLAF JOHNSON

You’re right, that is really good beer. Now, let’s go and see if we can find some good weed…Oh, and Mike, Anders and Ty, too.

FADE OUT.

 

 

FADE IN:

INT. MIKE’S APARTMENT BEDROOM – MORNING

The sunlight is shining through MIKE’s bedroom window onto MIKE JOHNSON’s bed where he and HANNA LARSON/THE FRIGG are sleeping off the action packed passionate night before.

MIKE’s mobile phone starts ringing, quietly at first, then loudening until he wakes up and grabs it.

MIKE JOHNSON

Ah, Grandpa, I take it you’ve heard the news?

OLAF JOHNSON (V.O.)

I’m here with Axl, we need to meet, Mike.

MIKE moves out of bed slowly and quietly so as not to wake HANNA from her sleep, holding his hand over the phone he walks out of the bedroom and onto the balcony where he can talk more freely to OLAF.

MIKE JOHNSON

I’m in the city, why don’t you and Axl come meet me here at the new place?

OLAF JOHNSON (V.O.)

I think that would be best, text me the address and we’ll be there within the hour. Have you heard from Anders?

MIKE grabs a hold of the balcony railing, his head bowing to the ground as he takes in a deep breath.

MIKE JOHNSON

I take it you haven’t heard the news then, Grandpa! We’ll talk about it when you and Axl get here.

Hanging up the mobile phone, MIKE is finally joined by HANNA, who wraps the duvet cover that she has just dragged from the bed around both her and MIKE.

HANNA LARSON

They don’t know, do they?

MIKE JOHNSON

Apparently not. Get dressed, we have some important news to deliver, and if I know Grandpa and my young Brother, Axl as well as I do, they aren’t going to take it well!

CUT TO:

INT./EXT. MIKE’S APARTMENT ENTRANCE – MORNING

OLAF and AXL have just pulled up outside MIKE’s apartment block and exited the car, when OLAF’s attention is distracted by a beautiful young woman standing next to the intercom system.

BELLE CLEMENTS

Oh, thank the God’s, you two nice gentlemen couldn’t help me get in could you? Normally I carry a key, but of all the days to forget it…

OLAF JOHNSON

Sure, do you live here, or are you visiting?

BELLE CLEMENTS

Yes, my Sister told me to meet her here and I’m a little late.

Pressing on MIKE’s buzzer the three of them waited for MIKE to answer before announcing themselves – but not the young woman who has just asked to gain access.

MIKE JOHNSON

Come on up, eighth floor, first door on your right.

Pulling on the door and keeping it open, AXL ushers the young woman inside to the lobby. The woman shows a thankful smile before making her way to the lifts.

MATCH CUT TO:

INT. MIKE’S APARTMENT BLOCK GROUND FLOOR – MORNING

BELLE CLEMENTS

Thank you, I would have been waiting out there forever if you two hadn’t have helped me out, my Sister, she’s quite the heavy sleeper in the daytime.

AXL JOHNSON

No worries, maybe we’ll bump into each other again?

BELLE CLEMENTS

Yes, that would be nice. Maybe I could call around to your friend’s apartment later and we could…

OLAF grabs a hold of AXL’s arm and shakes his head.

OLAF JOHNSON

I’m sorry Miss, but we are in the middle of something very important, aren’t we Axl?

OLAF starts to pull AXL away from the woman, while AXL gives a slight strained smile before agreeing with a nod.

AXL JOHNSON

Oh, the Thing! I’m sorry, yes, we really need to talk with my Brother, the one who lives here, it’s a matter of life or death.

BELLE CLEMENTS

That’s Okay, I have some important business with my Sister, too, so I’ll let you two get back to it.

Both OLAF and BELLE look at one another for OLAF to get a strange feeling that he recognizes her face.

OLAF JOHNSON

Belle…whatsyourface, something or other!

BELLE is suddenly quite startled, surprised of OLAF’s outburst that scares her half to death and completely startles AXL, as the woman reaches out to press the lift call button.

BELLE CLEMENTS

EXCUSE ME!

AXL pulls OLAF to one side.

AXL JOHNSON

Grandpa, what the hell are you doing?

OLAF finally remembers the young woman.

OLAF JOHNSON

My apologies, sometimes I have these…Anyway, now I remember, Belle Clements, you were one of the hottest…

BELLE tries to hurry the lift along by pressing the button repeatedly, as though she was in some great hurry to part with the two men’s company.

BELLE CLEMENTS

I’m sorry, you’ve got the wrong Surf Girl. I’m here to see my Sister.

OLAF JOHNSON

But you’re Belle Clements…

Again, AXL gets between the two.

AXL JOHNSON

Grandpa, she just told you, you’ve got the wrong person!

OLAF JOHNSON

Actually, AXL, I haven’t, I didn’t mention anything about Surf Girls!

Realizing that OLAF is right, AXL thinks hard for a moment.

AXL JOHNSON (TO BELLE)

I’m sorry, my Grandpa…I mean, My Brother, he sometimes gets this way when he sees people…

BELLE CLEMENTS

But he is right, isn’t he…Axl, is it? If anyone owes an apology then it’s me, I’m Belle Clements – Surf Girl!

The lift finally arrives on the ground floor.

 

INT. MIKE’S APARTMENT BLOCK LIFT – MORNING

All three enter the lift and position themselves just right so they can talk face to face.

OLAF JOHNSON

I was one of your biggest fans

AXL JOHNSON

Surf Girl, wow!

BELLE CLEMENTS

Well, not a very good Surf Girl, but I did well for myself.

OLAF is still in contemplation mode as he starts to remember exactly where he had seen BELLE, and how he stopped following her in both the TV and at the beaches he attended where he saw her for real.

BELLE CLEMENTS (CONT’D)

You said you were one of my biggest fans, so what happened?

OLAF starts to look worried, his posture changing to a point that AXL also realizes that this was one of those moments when he should start worrying.

AXL JOHNSON

Olaf, what’s wrong?

OLAF shows an intense look of contemplation.

OLAF JOHNSON

Didn’t you splash out on the Little Rock Competition last year?

BELLE stares at OLAF with a strange look before the lift sounds out a loud bing. They have reached the eighth floor. Silence ensues for a long moment.

BELLE CLEMENTS

Isn’t this your floor?

AXL JOHNSON

Yes, yes it is. Come on Olaf. See you later, Belle, maybe?

BELLE nods slowly, her waiting for the two men to leave the confines of the lift and allow her on her way further up into the building.

The lift doors close with both men looking at one another.

 

INT. MIKE’S APARTMENT EIGHT FLOOR FOYER – MORNING

AXL JOHNSON

Grandpa, hey! Which one is Mike’s apartment, again?

OLAF JOHNSON

First door on the left he said

AXL JOHNSON

No, no it’s not, there are no apartments on the left, Grandpa.

OLAF JOHNSON

Then it will be the first on the right, Axl.

AXL and OLAF walk to the first door on the right, knock and wait for an answer.

 

INT./EXT. MIKE’S APARTMENT – MORNING

AXL and OLAF stand outside the apartment waiting for MIKE to answer, while they settle their opinions on the young woman – BELLE – who they allowed into the building.

OLAF JOHNSON

All I’m saying is this, if that woman was someone that had made all this happen, then would you have allowed yourself to be open like that, Axl?

AXL JOHNSON

And all I’m saying is this, Grandpa, she was a nice woman who didn’t look like she was wanting to cause any harm…

MIKE suddenly opens the door to AXL and OLAF.

MIKE JOHNSON

Who didn’t look like she was wanting to cause any harm, Axl?

AXL JOHNSON

Just a woman from downstairs, Mike, it’s nothing…

OLAF JOHNSON

I wouldn’t call it nothing, Axl, may I remind you that as we are now…Whatever we are again, we have to tread very carefully.

MIKE JOHNSON

Well, when you two have quite finished, come on inside, we have a lot to talk about.

Following MIKE inside the apartment they gather in the LIVING ROOM, where HANNA is stood (dressed) and holding a glass of red wine in her hand, looking out across the city from the open balcony window.

MIKE JOHNSON

You both remember Hanna…

OLAF JOHNSON

Woh! It’s The Frigg…

HANNA LARSON

Ex-Frigg, actually, Olaf. Hello Axl, I see you found the apartment alright then?

AXL JOHNSON

So, Mike, you said you had some news to tell us?

HANNA and MIKE glance over at one another before MIKE gives a nod to HANNA and walks up to OLAF.

HANNA LARSON

Would you like a drink, Axl, Olaf?

OLAF JOHNSON

Just a beer for me, and an explanation to your call…

HANNA walks over to a nearby drinks cabinet, picks up two bottles of cold beer and takes them to AXL and OLAF.

MIKE JOHNSON

Ah, yes, the call. Well, there’s no other way of telling you this, so I’ll go ahead and say it anyway…Hanna and I are getting married, tomorrow morning, to be more precise.

AXL and OLAF look at each other as though they are half happy and half surprised that MIKE and HANNA are somehow oblivious to what else is happening around them.

AXL JOHNSON

Well, congratulations Mike, Hanna, but what about the other thing?

HANNA looks puzzled, and so does MIKE.

MIKE JOHNSON

And what other thing would that be, Axl? If you’re referring to Michelle and me, that’s well and truly over. Hanna and I have found true happiness.

Putting down his as yet unopened bottle of beer onto the glass coffee table, OLAF rushes over to the window and points outside.

OLAF JOHNSON

You’re fucking kidding, right? The Gods are stirring Mikkel, we’re back my friend, back to where we were in the first place…

AXL JOHNSON

Except we don’t have to track down The Frigg and go through all the same bollock’s we did the last time…

MIKE JOHNSON

Hang on, you’ve lost me. Our true God’s are in Asgard, we carried out the ceremony and Ragnarok was defeated…

HANNA turns to MIKE from the drinks bar with a low cough that brings the attention of the three men to her.

HANNA LARSON

Actually, Mike, there was something I needed to talk to you about concerning the ceremony thing.

MIKE JOHNSON

The Ceremony worked, our Godly parts left, we are human; you, Axl, Olaf and me, we’re human, right?

HANNA LARSON

Actually…There is a change, but I can’t quite understand it.

MIKE JOHNSON

And that’s it – A change?

HANNA LARSON

I’m not an Oracle, Mike, so yes, that’s it. I feel a change has occurred somewhere between the Ceremony and now.

All three men pace about the LIVING ROOM with both that of irritation and worry.

MIKE stops occasionally to look at HANNA, while OLAF thinks of something in which to get himself together enough so as to piece together the situation.

AXL JOHNSON

Ingrid, what about Ingrid?

OLAF JOHNSON

Ingrid, yes, if there was anyone who could solve anything before, it was Ingrid. We find Ingrid, we find an answer…

HANNA LARSON

And you think that Ingrid will find a solution, just like that?

MIKE JOHNSON

Don’t you think you’re all overreacting a little here? I mean, how do you know we have our God parts back?

Moving OLAF out of the way to stand in front of MIKE, AXL puts up a fist to demonstrate the “Rock, Paper, Scissors Game”, something that would prove MIKE had ULLR back in him.

MIKE JOHNSON

And you think that will answer the question, do you, Axl? A quick game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, and that’s it, we’re Gods again?

AXL JOHNSON

Or you could find Ingrid and the others with your hunting skills…

MIKE JOHNSON

Okay, if it makes you happy Axl, I’ll humor you in your little game.

First one game, then another, and then another. Again and again MIKE wins continuously, until finally HANNA turns to them both and orders them to stop.

HANNA LARSON

The Ceremony…it was interrupted!

MIKE JOHNSON

Of course it was, we witnessed the Ascension Hanna, we are no longer Gods…

AXL JOHNSON

Then how do you explain your gaming power, Mike, huh?

MIKE JOHNSON

Maybe it was left with me from my former God-Self, you know, a gift?

OLAF JOHNSON

I don’t think it works like that, Mike, you see…!

The sound of the intercom to the apartment starts to buzz loudly from a visitor downstairs at the entrance.

OLAF leaves the room to go and answer it while leaving MIKE, HANNA and AXL to discuss the ascension.

 

INT. MIKE’S APARTMENT LOBBY – MORNING

OLAF JOHNSON

Hello?

ANDERS JOHNSON

Grandpa, it’s Anders.

OLAF presses the button to allow ANDERS into the building, before he rejoins the others in the LIVING ROOM.

MATCH CUT TO:

INT. MIKE’S APARTMENT LIVING ROOM – MORNING

MIKE and AXL are arguing and wrestling one another.

OLAF JOHNSON

For fucks sake guys, is this the way we Johnson’s handle our problems? No, I don’t bloody think so, pardon my French. Now, Mikkel, I want you to apologize to your Brother and make up…Come on!

Slowly conceding to the no win situation, both MIKE and AXL put out their hands to apologize to one another.

AXL JOHNSON

I’m sorry, Mike, it’s just that…Well…

MIKE JOHNSON

Well what, Axl?

AXL JOHNSON

If we all went back to Asgard, our true Gods I mean, then what the hell happened for us to be brought back down here onto Earth? The big thing about it is, I don’t even feel like Odin!

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, ANDERS shows up in the LIVING ROOM.

ANDERS JOHNSON

What the fuck! Am I in the wrong apartment or what?

AXL JOHNSON

Anders, you’re here, will you please tell Mike that we are again the Gods that we once were?

ANDERS JOHNSON

Are you sure you’re a God, Axl, I mean, have you felt any feelings that draw you toward The Frigg?

AXL becomes frustrated at the statement.

AXL JOHNSON

Grandpa, can you help me out here?

OLAF JOHNSON

I’m afraid Anders has a point Axl, since you’ve been here, have you made any attempt to make a move on The Frigg…Sorry, Hanna?

AXL JOHNSON

If you wankers haven’t noticed, I’ve been a bit busy convincing Mike that we’re…

OLAF JOHNSON

You don’t understand Axl, standing before you is The Frigg, and all you’ve done is play games with Mikkel. Very good games, too, I’m sure, but with no progressive lure that has you breaking chemistry with Hanna.

Walking up to HANNA, AXL takes a hold of her hand and turns to MIKE, OLAF and ANDERS.

AXL JOHNSON

There, satisfied…

ANDERS JOHNSON

What about a kiss?

AXL JOHNSON

Fuck off, Anders!

HANNA LARSON

In your dreams boys, if you all shut up and listen, there’s something you all should know…

ANDERS JOHNSON

Yes, Hanna, I think it’s time you told them everything…

OLAF JOHNSON

What the hell are you talking about Anders? Mike, what the hell is he Anders talking about, and more to the point, how did Anders know where the hell to find us?

ANDERS JOHNSON

Shall I tell them, Mike, or are you, Brother?

The whole room is filled with tension and vacant looking faces that have each man making their way to a seat.

MIKE JOHNSON

Axl, you are right, we’re Gods, again…but this time…It’s hard to…

ANDERS JOHNSON

Fuck it, what Mike is trying to say is, we’re all Gods again, only we’re not the same Gods we were before…

MIKE JOHNSON

We agreed, Anders…

ANDERS JOHNSON

Actually, Mike, you agreed, I just grunted, or at least I think it was a grunt because Michelle was riding my dick at the time you rang and broke this unfortunate news to me.

AXL is unsettled in his seat. He is itching to make a move for the door and leave.

OLAF JOHNSON

Am I hearing you right?

ANDERS JOHNSON

That’s right, Grandpa, I was dipping my wick with a Goddess last night when Mike rang me up and ruined the whole mood…

OLAF JOHNSON

No, Anders, I wasn’t referring to the sex. Mikkel, what’s going on?

HANNA suddenly claps her hands together and gets everyone’s attention before waving ANDERS forward to her.

HANNA LARSON

Maybe I should explain, after all, you believe that I am still The Frigg, so it would be better that you hear me out. First of all, you are all Gods, that’s the good news, though some of you will be a little disappointed in the way things have turned out this time around. Axl, you will always be the one who has been known as Odin, while Olaf been as Baldr. Anders, your pre-Bragi talents have served you well in the past, and Mikkel, my love, as that ever ready Ullr. The way to Asgard through the association was broken, gentlemen, and the precise moment or reason nobody knows why!

AXL JOHNSON

So, what your saying is that we have been switched as our former Gods, and somehow, we are one of our Brothers…

OLAF JOHNSON

Or Grandfather…

ANDERS JOHNSON

Or irritating arsehole!

OLAF JOHNSON

Oh shit! You mean any one of us here can be the arsehole?

HANNA LARSON

I don’t understand, who is the arsehole?

MIKE JOHNSON

That would be Colin…Sorry, Loki, that they’re referring to, and my hope is that it’s not Ty.

ANDERS makes his way over to the drinks cabinet and makes himself a drink of Scotch before swaggering back into the middle of the room.

ANDERS JOHNSON

There is one thing that we haven’t looked at in finer detail here, and that involves both Ty and Dawn…

AXL JOHNSON

But if we have all switched places, what’s saying that Ty is anything dangerous to Dawn anymore?

MIKE JOHNSON

That’s the thing, Axl, we don’t know. Has anyone tried ringing them…

ANDERS JOHNSON

Ty and Dawn are currently out of range…incognito being a better word for it. What I think we should be looking at is where everyone else is and what their views on this mighty fuck up are, don’t you think so?

HANNA walks over to MIKE and whispers in his ear before disappearing into the bedroom. MIKE excuses himself while he joins HANNA, leaving the others to talk in the LIVING ROOM.

MATCH CUT TO:

INT. MIKE’S APARTMENT BEDROOM – MORNING

MIKE walks up behind HANNA who is stood by the side of the bed watching him walking toward her through the mirror. She looks worried.

MIKE JOHNSON

I think Grandpa and my Brother’s are a little upset with the present situation, so maybe you should tell me what’s really going on, Hanna. After all, you are the one they’re going to be calling The Oracle…Tell me I’m wrong?

HANNA LARSON

How did you know?

MIKE JOHNSON

Does it matter?

HANNA lowers her head for a moment and then looks up with a strained smile.

HANNA LARSON

Last night after we made love, I was filled with such a great and overwhelming feeling that my whole body was being drained of life. At first I thought it was the feeling of the moment with you, but then, when I got up out of bed and walked to the window, I looked out and saw…

HANNA gives a long pause. She walks over to MIKE and leads him by the hand to the window, pointing down into the street below.

MIKE JOHNSON

Looked out and saw what…What was it that yo saw, Hanna?

HANNA gets MIKE to look down into the street below.

Screwing his eyes up to focus, MIKE sees a woman standing by the side of the road.

Focusing more, he makes the woman out to be that of MICHELLE. He is shocked!

MIKE JOHNSON

Michelle! What the hell!

HANNA LARSON

She looks so lost, Mikkel!

MIKE leaves HANNA quickly and returns to the LIVING ROOM where AXL, OLAF and ANDERS are still debating the whole situation, and as soon as MIKE re-enters the room they fall silent while looking to him for answers.

MIKE JOHNSON

Axl, get your friend Zeb on the phone and ask him what the hell Michelle said to him on her little visit to your house this morning. Grandpa, come with me, Anders…stay here.

FADE TO BLACK.

 

 

FADE IN:

EXT. OUTSIDE MIKE’S APARTMENT – MORNING

MICHELLE is still stood at the side of the road when MIKE and OLAF appear at the doorway downstairs and call to her.

MIKE JOHNSON

What are you doing Michelle? Are you alright? Are you hurt?

OLAF prompts MIKE to go to her.

MIKE attempts to cross the road, but the heavy traffic has OLAF pull him back suddenly from a speeding car that nearly hits him.

MICHELLE walks across the road in a trance-like state – missing every car – finally to stand silently in front of MIKE and OLAF.

MICHELLE

Mike, Olaf, what are you doing here? Is it really you?

OLAF JOHNSON

I don’t think that’s Michelle, Mike…

MIKE JOHNSON

No shit, Grandpa!

MICHELLE

(starts chanting Norse language that MIKE and OLAF can’t understand)

OLAF JOHNSON

Erm, Mike, I don’t think this is good…

MIKE JOHNSON

Hey, Michelle, how about we go inside and talk this through and try work this out…Whatever this is that’s going on, Okay?

Suddenly, MICHELLE loses consciousness and starts to fall to the ground. MIKE and OLAF together rush and catch her fall, where MIKE picks her up into his arms and carries her to his apartment.

CUT TO:

INT. MIKE’S APARTMENT – MORNING

MIKE and OLAF enter the apartment LIVING ROOM where MIKE puts MICHELLE down gently on the sofa.

MIKE turns to HANNA.

HANNA LARSON

I think I should go, maybe I can ask around some of the people I know about this and find out what happened last night, Mike?

MIKE JOHNSON

I don’t think that’s a good idea, Hanna, Michelle was mumbling something before she fell unconscious…

AXL JOHNSON

Maybe she had a shit night last night like the rest of us and…

ANDERS JOHNSON

Speak for yourself, Lord Odin, I had a great night last night after the ascension. Which, come to think of it, I have a company to run thanks to Ty and Dawn’s plan.

OLAF JOHNSON

Was Michelle like this last night before she left your apartment, Anders?

ANDERS looks over at MICHELLE on the sofa.

ANDERS JOHNSON

What, you mean the creepy stalking and mumbling in Norse language, Grandpa? Nope, she was more of an up and it nymphomaniac who…

MIKE JOHNSON

We get the picture, Anders. What we want to know is whether Michelle was like this before you left her?

ANDERS nods.

ANDERS JOHNSON

No, she was just slightly above normal before I left her this morning Mike, though I can say she didn’t leave my place at all while I was there…

AXL JOHNSON

So how do you explain Michelle being at my house early this morning talking to Zeb?

Silence covers the entire LIVING ROOM, while OLAF pulls MIKE to one side and away from the others. HANNA kneels down at the side of the sofa to tend to MICHELLE.

OLAF JOHNSON

This is not looking good, Mike, we need to find everyone and get them together to find out what the hell is going on.

MIKE JOHNSON

I agree, but our first priority is in finding Ty and Dawn, Okay?

MICHELLE

(starts speaking Norse again, only more clearly for all to hear her)

HANNA LARSON

OH MY GOD! We’re fucked!

MIKE JOHNSON

Hey, what’s she saying, can you understand what she’s saying?

Moving closer to MICHELLE, HANNA takes a hold of her hand and whispers to MICHELLE to calm her down.

HANNA LARSON

Michelle, it’s Hanna, you’re alright, we’re here for you…!

MICHELLE

Asgard has fallen! Asgard has fallen! Prepare for Dodstime!

(The hour of death)

OLAF JOHNSON

Did she just say what I think she said, because if that was what I thought she said, then yes, we are all indeed fucked!

MIKE and AXL are agitated by the lack of knowing what words MICHELLE had spoken mean, so much so, that AXL makes the first move to approach MICHELLE and ask her himself.

AXL JOHNSON

Hey, Michelle, remember me, it’s Odin, I gave you back your life when I returned to Asgard…

MICHELLE

Asgard has fallen, Odin is lost! Prepare for Dodstime…prepare to meet the…

MICHELLE loses consciousness, again. The entire room begins to panic, except for OLAF, who walks up to the window and takes out his mobile phone.

MIKE, HANNA, AXL and ANDERS rally around MICHELLE hoping she’ll regain consciousness and tell them what she meant with the words.

OLAF gets time to make and finish his phone conversation before turning to the others.

OLAF JOHNSON

If I may have everyone’s attention…I believe that I can make clarity of this situation.

MIKE JOHNSON

You can make clarity of this situation! Have you been smoking weed again, Grandpa? All we need to do is…

OLAF becomes angry and shouts at the top of his lungs at the way that the three men are behaving like crazed idiots, which with the shout comes an almost unearthly sound that has everyone – except MICHELLE and OLAF (who is shouting) – cover their ears in agony.

A few seconds pass and the sound dissipates.

OLAF JOHNSON

Now I have everyone’s attention, may I bring your focus to the young and beautiful Goddess that is laid over there. Axl, as you were Odin before and during the Ascension, it would stand to reason that you know what Dodstime means, right? And you, Mikkel, as Ullr, Anders as Bragi, the whole Asgard falling thing is something that you will all remember, right?

Everyone stops what they are doing and fall into deep thought about OLAF’s question.

MIKE JOHNSON

To be completely honest, Grandpa, I don’t remember anything of Asgard, and I have no idea what Michelle is saying…

AXL JOHNSON

As Odin, I remember the plateau at the entrance of Asgard…we were all in a state of high emotions and…Dodstime! Oh Shit!

Taking out his mobile phone and ringing ZEB, AXL waits for his friend and previous FREKI to answer.

AXL puts the call on loud speaker.

AXL JOHNSON

Zeb, Axl, listen Man, we need you over here right now. You know all about Norse Gods shit and everything, right?

ZEB (V.O.)

Oh, right, and now you need me! Listen, I’d really like to help you out, but we have a situation here at the house, Axl…

AXL JOHNSON

We need to know what Dodstime means, Zeb, it’s like really important, do you know what it means, Zeb?

A moment of silence follows before a second voice comes onto the phone – THOR.

THOR (V.O.)

Listen to me you little shit, if you don’t get your arse over here, right now, you’re little friend Zeb is going to feel the pain of the mighty hammer…

AXL JOHNSON

Derrick, is that you?

ANDERS and MIKE move closer to AXL’s phone.

THOR (V.O.)

You bet your soon to be squashed arse it is, Axl Johnson, and tell your heavy breathing Brothers they better be with you, too, or I swear by the Gods, I will kill your friend!

AXL JOHNSON

Actually, Derrick, swearing by the Gods,which is us, that’s just cold, Man. Now, we can talk about this and make everything right…

THOR (V.O.)

You have one hour, Lord Odin.

DERRICK hangs up the phone.

MIKE JOHNSON

Okay, so Thor is still around and he seems to be a little pissed at us too, for some unknown reason, so what we need to do, is find out why?

MICHELLE

Asgard has fallen! Lord Odin is lost! Prepare for Dodstime!

AXL JOHNSON

Does she know we heard the first time?

AXL walks over to MICHELLE and takes a hold of her hand to calm her, which as soon as he does, she raises herself up onto her elbows and stares at him intensely.

MICHELLE

Axl, what are you doing here?

AXL

Michelle, are you alright?

MICHELLE

You have to go…You have to be somewhere, but not here…

AXL JOHNSON

Where, Michelle? Where do I need to be?

MICHELLE

You have to find him before he destroys Asgard, Axl, he’ll find you and he will kill you! He will kill you all!

AXL JOHNSON

Who, Derrick? No, he’s just pissed…

MIKE JOHNSON

She’s not talking about Derrick, Axl (to MICHELLE) Who is trying to kill Axl, Michelle?

MICHELLE

Loki. Loki is looking for Odin, and he finds him, he will kill him. Prepare for Dodstime, the fall of Asgard…

OLAF JOHNSON

Holy crap! I knew it, that’s why I was chosen to cross the threshold. It all makes sense now, Loki was the reason we all came back here, what a bastard!

ANDERS clearly looks confused, as does AXL and MIKE.

ANDERS JOHNSON

What the hell are you talking about, Grandpa? What threshold?

OLAF JOHNSON

The threshold at The Ascension Gate site we did the ceremony with Hanna and Martin. I found myself there this morning…Naked!

HANNA suddenly becomes aware of what OLAF has told the everyone and makes her way to him.

HANNA LARSON

You crossed the threshold that my Brother guarded?

OLAF JOHNSON

Yes, and did I mention that I was naked?

HANNA LARSON

But that would be impossible. No mortal can cross The Ascension Bridge back to this world, unless they were a God when they passed through The Gate…

AXL JOHNSON

Ascension Bridge! Gate! What the fuck are you two people on about? You left to catch the surf the last time we saw you, Grandpa…

OLAF JOHNSON

And that is what I am trying to tell you all. I was surfing one minute and the next, I was standing in the fucking woods at The Ascension Gate in nothing but my sandals. Do you know how cold it was this morning?

MIKE JOHNSON

As much as this sounds important, I have yet to know what it has to do with us. Does anyone have any idea what all this has to do with us…anyone? No, because no matter how we look at it, we have too many pieces of the puzzle missing and no way of finding out where those other pieces are.

ANDERS JOHNSON

Actually, Mike, as much as you love to play the big Brother and the one who has the bigger balls, I have the answers we need. Or should I say, I know where to find all the answers that we need…

OLAF JOHNSON

Now, call me optimistic, Anders, but I would put more faith in Axl finding his way to Asgard after drinking a gallon of good Mead than actually believing that you had all the answers to this little problem…

ANDERS JOHNSON

Hey, fuck you, Grandpa, you’re just sore because the morning frost shriveled your dick. But hey, if you don’t believe me, you don’t have to come and see for yourself like Mike and Axl here are!

All eyes are diverted to both MIKE and AXL, who in turn shrug their shoulders and make their way to the door.

MIKE JOHNSON

And where is it we’re going, exactly, Anders?

ANDERS JOHNSON

To see Zeb at Axl’s house, of course!

CUT TO:

 

INT. ZEB AND AXL’S HOME – DAY

Inside the house, THOR and some other unexpected guests have turned up to see AXL, who left just before they arrived that morning for MIKE’s apartment. ZEB is feeling uncomfortable sitting between THOR and another man who doesn’t speak a word of English, though he smells of goats cheese and vomit.

ZEB

I’m sure Lord Odin won’t be very long…Thor, is it?

THOR

That’s right, so you’ve heard of me then? (rolls his hammer around in the palm of his hand)

ZEB

Yeah, everyone’s heard of The Mighty Thor, you’re quite famous.

THOR and the others around the room erupt into rapturous laughter, just as there is a loud knock at the front door.

THOR is cautious.

THOR

Would that be Lord Odin?

ZEB

Not unless he’s forgotten his keys, or dead drunk, or both those factors actually…I’ll go and see who it is.

MATCH CUT TO:

 

INT. ZEB AND AXL’S HOME HALLWAY – DAY

ZEB walks to the door where he notices the silhouette of a woman’s hour glass through the frosted glass panes, almost alerting him to the actual scenario that he was in with the uninvited guests.

ZEB opens the door.

ZEB

Hello, can I help you?

Standing at the door in front of him he sees a young woman with her back to him at first, then turns to face him.

ZEB steps back with sheer shock and fear – it is EVA, TY’s ex-dead wife and Goddess of The Underworld. She looks very well, and very much alive.

EVA

Hello Zeb, how are you…Where the fuck is Axl Johnson?

ZEB is lost for words – AXL is on his way – the situation is bad.

MATCH CUT TO:

 

INT. ZEB AND AXL’S HOME. LIVING ROOM – DAY

EVA walks past ZEB and makes her way into the LIVING ROOM where the visitors look at her strangely.

THOR

Who the fuck are…You!

EVE

Well, well, well! Look what we have here, a roomful of cocks!

THOR

Gods, actually, you nasty mouthed bitch! Now, what the fuck do you want, She-Demon?

While passing a very bewildered ZEB, EVA makes her way up to THOR and begins to stroke his beard with a wicked smile showing across her face.

EVA

I’m looking for the Brother of the man who killed me, have you seen him at all?

THOR and the others take to their feet and face EVA head on before she can make another step.

THOR

You must be on about the Cupcake God, Ty Johnson, what business have you got with him, little girl?

ZEB waves his hands and arms about in the air behind EVA, to stop THOR from saying something that he will regret later. But EVA, as she is a Goddess, can see exactly what he is doing through her third eye.

EVA

You humans are so predictable here on this Earth, something that can be an advantage…

THOR

There’s nothing here for you, She-Demon, now sling your bloody hook before I feel what it’s like to pop an Evil-Imps head under my Mighty Hammer!

EVA laughs with contempt and show that she is not afraid of THOR, but she is visibly scared of his friends, who are now walking around the two of them, making themselves ready for IF EVA should decide to fight them with her Goddess powers.

EVA

Back off boys, I’m not here to fight, I’ve just come to find Axl, that’s all.

ZEB

Axl isn’t here, as you can see

EVA

Yes, I can see he isn’t here, but you are. Now, why would all of you be here when Axl isn’t…Oh, right, you all got the calling, too…

ZEB walks up to EVA.

ZEB

The Calling…you mean like The Norse calling of the…Holy shit! It’s happening, isn’t it?

In the doorway of the house COLIN/LOKI is stood in a bright blue colored shirt, his hands in his pockets while looking happy with himself.

COLIN/LOKI

Step away from my daughter you hormonal freaks and answer her question – where is Axl Johnson?

All eyes turn to face COLIN/LOKI.

EVA walks over to COLIN, who now makes his way into the LIVING ROOM, putting a Birdie Finger up into his face.

EVA

What the fuck are you doing here, Daddy? Isn’t there some arse you need to wipe somewhere in the rear end of never?

COLIN gives out a loud burst of laughter before holding out his arms to his daughter.

COLIN/LOKI

Now is that any way to greet your Father? I don’t know what is worse, getting kicked in the balls by Michelle, or being insulted by my only Daughter in front of a group of second rate Gods…And a human who clearly looks worried about something. You (to ZEB), what’s with the worried look your face, Human?

ZEB

You’re here for The Dodstime, aren’t you? You’re Loki!

COLIN/LOKI is bemused by the introduction by ZEB, as ZEB is a Human and he should know nothing of the Gods.

COLIN/LOKI

And you must be the Johnson’s lackey, their little Well of information who reads books on the good old days back in Asgard, am I right, little fella?

EVA

Leave him alone Daddy, he’s not who I’m looking for!

COLIN/LOKI

Is that right, my little Angel? Well, for your information, this little Book Worm was the whole reason for those cunt-wad Johnson’s making it as far as they did the last time, so no, I will not leave him alone.

ZEB

But they made it to Asgard. They made The Ascension and defeated Ragnarok, Axl…Odin, he defeated the monster and brought balance back to the world…

COLIN/LOKI

Too many books, my Human friend, you see, Ragnarok was not defeated and Odin, as you so rightly place him as being the hero of the story failed. The Ascension to Asgard did happen, however, except for one little tiny thing…

COLIN/LOKI moves closer to ZEB and leans forward to whisper in his ear quietly, so that the others around him don’t hear.

COLIN/LOKI (CONT’D)

Asgard has fallen and the Gods that once were are no more.

ZEB is devastated by the news that AXL, MIKE, TY, ANDERS and OLAF didn’t make a difference from The Ascension to Asgard, though here there remained one big question.

ZEB

Okay, if the Gods didn’t return to Asgard, then why did Michelle get her life back and the whole Ragnarok world of destruction never happen?

COLIN/LOKI

Ah, now that, that is something that I want you to think about while you deliver my message to The Johnson’s for me, I’m sure you’re used to delivering their messages by now, aren’t you?

ZEB is scared by the unclear meaning of the words “Delivering a message”, though in his heart he knows it wasn’t going to be pleasant.

ZEB

You can hurt me all you want, but Lord Odin will see to it that you are punished…

In almost an instant show of anger, COLIN/LOKI raises his hand and sets ZEB on fire; his clothes, hair and skin begin to burn out of control.

The surrounding guests grab a hold of ZEB, pushing him to the floor and extinguish the flames.

Looking up from the smoke plume, EVA and COLIN/LOKI have disappeared from the house, just as the Johnson’s come walking through the door to see ZEB being extinguished by strangers. AXL runs to his friend, ZEB.

AXL

What the fuck!

THOR

He was like a true warrior…My Lord Odin…

MIKE, OLAF, HANNA and ANDERS rush into the house and stand over ZEB, while MIKE phones an ambulance on his Mobile Phone. The remainder of the flames from COLIN/LOKI’s anger are extinguished.

AXL JOHNSON

What the fuck happened?

DESEROL (THOR’s friend) approaches AXL and bows his head, while proceeding to talk in his native Norse language – AXL is puzzled – he doesn’t understand.

THOR

Forgive my friend, My Lord Odin, he is new to the land and tends to speak in his native tongue…

ANDERS looks at DESEROL, then rushes over to THOR and AXL.

ANDERS JOHNSON

(to DESEROL)

Hang on, you’re from the Homelands, aren’t you?

AXL JOHNSON

Anders, don’t be a dick!

ANDERS JOHNSON

Hang on, Axl, I know this guy. Hey, I know you from the Homelands, don’t I?

DESEROL

Bragi…You are Bragi?

AXL is impressed that the man knows his Brother.

ANDERS JOHNSON

That’s right, my friend, you do know me, don’t you? Tell me, what the hell is going on here? What’s your name?

DESEROL gives a series of hand gestures while speaking. ANDERS waves MIKE over to him.

THOR translates DESOROL’s words that describe the whole incident ending with ZEB being set on fire by LOKI.

ANDERS JOHNSON

Do you remember that little seek quest that Mum had me do against my will, Mike?

MIKE JOHNSON

You mean the one with all expenses paid, and a passport to as many women you could screw in a single night? Is that the one you’re referring to Anders…

ANDERS JOHNSON

Okay, Mike, yes, that quest where I went away and brought back the legendary Yggdrasil, only for the mad bitch Goddess who is now not looking too good by the way on your apartment sofa, to allow you to destroy it?

MIKE JOHNSON

You mean that little stick that caused a whole heap of bad shit for us all, Anders, is that the Yggdrasil you’re on about?

ANDERS sighs with contempt.

ANDERS JOHNSON

Yeah, that’s the one. Well, this guy here was the…

OLAF JOHNSON

Anders, is there a point to all this? I mean, poor Zeb here is looking pretty crispy from his run in with Loki, and you’re talking about the Yggdrasil, which is irrelevant in the fact that, like you say, Mike took it upon himself to destroy.

Turning to face MIKE, OLAF and AXL, ANDERS put up his arms and shook his head.

ANDERS JOHNSON

At this moment in time, Grandpa, nothing is irrelevant as you put it. This man here (ANDERS turns and pats DESEROL on the back), is the guide who led me to the ancient Yggdrasil…The Tree of Life…

MIKE, AXL and OLAF laugh and turn away slightly, but then turn back to stare at ANDERS.

AXL JOHNSON

So, what exactly are you trying to say, Anders?

ANDERS JOHNSON

What I’m saying is, if you all chip in and lend me some money, I will go with this man here, and I will return with another branch from the Tree of Life, thus helping young Zeb here and saving the day once more.

The JOHNSON Brother’s fall into deep objective thought, as does THOR, who has been listening to ANDERS‘ plan.

DESEROL is clueless as to the plan, as he is also clueless as to why ANDERS patted him on the back.

OLAF JOHNSON

Although I, for one, know that there is some ulterior motive as to why Anders wants to take up this quest once again, I nominate one of us to go with him and make sure that he returns with haste…

MIKE JOHNSON

Which would rule you out, Grandpa, for the simple fact that where there is booze, weed and women, you two make a Sandals Holiday look like a New Zealand Fuck Fest Carnival. I will accompany Anders, while the rest of you hold the fort here.

AXL JOHNSON

That is good of you, Mike, but I’m sure that you’re needed here with these guys more than me, so I’ll go with Anders on the Tree Thing and…

OLAF JOHNSON

Tree Thing, Axl?

AXL frowns on the statement. Everyone looks puzzled.

OLAF JOHNSON (V.O.)

So you agree, that this is now a Thing?

AXL JOHNSON

Piss off, Grandpa, I’ll go with Anders and make sure that he stays out of trouble and that we get back as soon as we find it. Then we can fix both Michelle and Zeb.

ANDERS shrugs his shoulders and gives a wide smile before turning and heading for the door, closely followed by AXL.

OLAF JOHNSON

Just out of curiosity Mike, what is it exactly we’re going to do while they’re living it up in the Homeland?

MIKE JOHNSON

We, Olaf, we are going to pay that crazy bastard Loki a little visit, just as soon as I know Anders and Axl are out of the way of things here. (to DERRICK), would you accompany Zeb to the hospital, Derrick, and make sure nobody else decides to get to Axl through him? I think it’s time we gave Colin a message that he’ll never forget!

DERRICK/THOR

As this was partly my fault, I will do this for the human you call Zeb.

OLAF JOHNSON

You do know he’ll be waiting for us, don’t you, Mikkel?

MIKE JOHNSON

Oh, I know he will, but we have the greatest element of surprise on our side, Grandpa!

OLAF JOHNSON

Oh yeah, and what’s that?

MIKE JOHNSON

I know who Odin is!

FADE TO:

ROLL END TITLES…

 

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The Almighty Johnsons – Season 4 – Episode 1 – Pilot (Fan Script) – Watermarked

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PLEASE NOTE: This is a FAN MADE SCRIPT. All attempts have been made to contact the relevant people involved in the Original Concept (Official Almighty Johnson’s Production Company, and to Cast Members: Emmett Skilton, Jared Turner). Through talking with the Cast Members, it was concluded (unofficially) that “The Almighty Johnsons” will not be returning for any further Seasons. However, it was not ruled out that the Show could not be rebooted with a whole new casting of actors. Hope you enjoy the Script.

Marcus Kasabian De Storm

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